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Friday, February 04, 2005

Superbowl Ads

Ok,Fox News has an article here about how this years Superbowl ads will be centered more on "cuteness" than anything else.Ok,I can dig that.But I got some questions about the pic on the link I just mentioned.

Now,looking at the pic (ya gotta click it and open it to see it all,ya dumbasses),I recognize (going clockwise around the table):

1)The Gorton's "I know what you did last Superbowl" Fisherman. (Where's his ice hook?)

2)General Mills' Count "I vant to suck your...whaaat?" Chocula (Who,btw,looks more and more like Liberace every year)

3)Star Kist' Charlie the "Gee I smell like your last girlfriend" Tuna

4)Planter's Mr. "Der Fuehrer" Peanut

5)Green Giant's "I'm the Hulk with a figleafed loincloth" Giant peeking in the window

6)Chef (Fuhgettaboutit) Boyardee

7)Vlasic Pickle's "Just because I have a big beak and like to say 'Irving' doesn't mean I'm a Jew" Stork

Which brings me to #8--Who the hell is that horny/giddy looking chick with the umbrella? I don't recognize her character.Is this how she always looks,or is she all juicing up and gettin' ornery cause the Jewish bird next to her is waving a big fat pickle around?

That is something else.Look closely at the characters in the pic.They are all focused on the pickle waving,except the Gorton's Fisherman.He's looking right into the bright green eyes of the Giant outside the window.The Vlasic pickle is green,the Giant is green.I'm thinking they all have an obsession with green "pickles",but the Fisherman is a "size does matter" kinda guy,whereas the rest of the group is focused on technique.Then again,I'm probably reading far too much into this.Maybe my old psychiatrist had a point when she called me "obsessive aggressive" or some such nonsense.She asked me about my relationship with my mother,and I accused her of calling me a "Kentuckian".Ah well.

Just a closing FYI,I like and buy all the aforementioned products.The companies all make fine foods.

*UPDATE*:In the last few minutes,I have been informed by my unpaid staff of informants,that the "mystery woman" with the umbrella,is indeed the Morton's Salt girl.How she went from a blonde haired Caucasian to a brunette Asian,is not yet determined.

*UPDATE #2*:New information has arrived at MoeBetta Enterprises that the subtle "racial transformation" of the Morton's Salt girl,is connected to the Michael Jackson before and after transformation process.At this early junction,I can only speculate that it is a successful version of Jackson's technique,as opposed to the failed attempt by Viktor Yushchenko.

*UPDATE #3*:Ok,this is way late in coming,but I had to mention a 9th character I did not see before.The Pillsbury Doughboy.No funny comment about him,I like the little fella,and didn't see him on the table before.Carry on,ya bastards.

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