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Location: Columbia, South Carolina, United States
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"Moe wouldn't trade me his chicken sammich for a nice, cool puppy smoothie. Indeed!"

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Monday, February 28, 2005

Things You Never Knew About Me (And Don't Care To Know)

Here's a little list of the trivia crap about myself and my views and beliefs on life.

1) I prefer a Republic style of Government,not a Democratic one--I don't care much for Democracy,because it allows too many scumbags to advance themselves into a position to screw things up for the rest of us.

2) I believe in racial and gender equality,but not social equality--I do not believe all people are equal.Some lives are worth more than others,based on their lifestyle and actions,and contributions to society.

3) I feel that public dueling should be reinstated into society--I believe it would greatly improve social problems,if everyone was armed,and everyone knew that speaking or behaving disrespectfully to someone,could get them legally killed.There would of course,be contracts and rules of engagement so that folks couldn't go all vigilante and run around challenging everyone they meet for no good reason.

4) I hate islam and Communism,with every fiber of my being--I believe 100% that when these two philosophies are erradicated from the planet,we will have global peace.Anythng less than their complete annihilation is unacceptable.There can be no "live and let live" with either of these monsters.

5) From the ages of 16 to 23,I was an Athiest.

6) I am the offspring of an East German defector and an alcoholic hippie.

7) I have immense respect for Christians and Hindus,and Catholics in particular.

8) My first car was a 1983 Mustang GT

9) I refuse to buy or ever own any vehicle that isn't American.

10) I have yet to join the 'Mile High Club',but I am a life member of the 'Dumpster Behind The Waffle House Club'.

11) I once stripped naked,rubbed salt on my tuchus,and crawled through a petting zoo.

12) Number 11 is a lie.

13) I am very attracted to mentally and physically strong women,and especially Republican women.

14) In 1990 my grandparents had me committed to a juvenile insane asylum for "demon possession",though the ward called it "juvenile delinquency".I "celebrated" my 17th birthday in there.My grandparents couldn't understand I was 16 and rebellious,so they took the old world assumption of evil forces.I had my first 'French kiss' while I was in there.Crazy suicidal girls are fun.

15) Dale Earnhardt Junior is my favorite NASCAR driver.

16) My preferred food of choice is chicken.

17) I don't fully trust people who don't own a firearm.

18) I don't fully trust people who are opposed to alcohol and tobacco.

19) I don't fully trust people who don't believe in a Supreme Being.

20) I don't fully trust people who willingly own a Barbra Streisand CD.

21) I think people who tailgate others while driving are expressing a hidden homosexual agenda.

22) I think people who stand closer than 3 feet behind others in a checkout line are primitive and queer.

23) I think people who conduct personal business on company time should immediately be dragged out to the parking lot and executed.This applies only to those who cause the company or customers to be affected.

24) I think Sarah Silverman is the most beautiful white woman in the world.

25) I think Natalie Portman is the second most beautiful white woman in the world.

26) I think Michael Jackson is the ugliest white woman in the world.

27) I think the Waldorf Astoria is superior to the Four Seasons.

28) I think Motel 6 is superior to the Waldorf Astoria.

29) I like flea markets better than shopping malls.

30) I hate cellular phones.

31) I hate people who use cellular phones while driving.

32) I hate people who use cellular phones while standing in a checkout line,and wind up making everyone wait while they finish their "important" call.These people should be lynched on the spot,then strung up from the nearest tree or light pole.

33) I dislike telephones in general.

34) I don't understand why Waffle House and Hardee's doesn't have locations in all 50 states and Europe.

35) I don't understand people who can't tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi.

36) I prefer Coke over Pepsi.

37) I think that adulterers,cannibals,child molestors,rapists,and serial killers cannot change.Once a cheat,always a cheat.I feel everyone in these groups should be immediately executed without mercy,so as not to infect the rest of society with their vile ways.

38) I like to use the word "vile" a lot.

39) I prefer margarine over butter.

40) I don't find your baby's soiled diaper "adorable".

41) I don't find your husband's soiled diaper "adorable" either.

42) I think any child over the age of 2 who wears a diaper,is destined to be a serial killer.Bladder problems be damned.

43) I despise racism.

44) I believe that more than 3/4 of the world population doesn't truly understand the definition of "racism"--This word gets used more than an African infant at a United Nations "peacekeeping" zone.

45) I believe the United Nations is evil,and should be dismantled immediately.

46) Strawberry jelly makes me nauseous,but strawberry jam on toast makes me happy between breakfast and lunch.

47) Grape jelly and jam have the opposite effects on me as strawberry.I don't know why.

48) I love grits.

49) I prefer homemade grits,but don't mind a couple packs of instant in a hurry.

50) I like my grits like I like my women--Thick,chunky,and gritty.

51) I like my coffee the same way I like my grits.

52) People who ask "what is a grit?" and "what is/are grits?" piss me off.

53) I don't like oatmeal.

54) Waffle House is my favorite greasy spoon.

55) Hardee's is my favorite fast food joint.

56) Wendy's is my second favorite fast food joint.

57) I think anyone who prefers Huddle House,IHOP,McDonalds or Burger King,is a Communist and should be flogged 10,000 times.

58) I think roasted chicken tastes better than broiled chicken.

59) I think broiled chicken tastes better than barbequed chicken.

60) I think barbequed chicken is equally as tasty as fried chicken.

61) I think all chicken should be served for every meal.

62) I believe that anyone who doesn't like chicken,is a Communist and a homosexual,and should be flogged 50,000 times,then tarred and feathered and ridden out of town on a rail.

63) I believe Vegans are subconsciously committing suicide.

64) I support all Vegans committing suicide.

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