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Sunday, March 20, 2005

22 Ways To Be A Good Democrat

#1) You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

#2) You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

#3) You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.

#4) You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

#5) You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.

#6) You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

#7) You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

#8) You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

#9) You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but urban activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

#10) You have to believe that having self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

#11) You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make The Passion Of The Christ for financial gain only.

#12) You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

#13) You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

#14) You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.

#15) You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

#16) You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.

#17) You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

#18) You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

#19) You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

#20) You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.

#21) You have to believe that John Kerry’s Purple Hearts are legitimate, and that a Massachusetts Senator more liberal than Teddy Kennedy can be elected President of the United States.

#22) You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.

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