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Location: Columbia, South Carolina, United States
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Wednesday, April 20, 2005

MoeBetta Advice For Driving On American Roadways

1) Every American driver believes that the term "right of way" applies solely to them.

2) When you see a funeral procession approaching,you should always pull over,get out of your vehicle,take off your hat,and show respect until the procession passes.Failure to do so will announce to the world that you are an uncivilized piece of trash,and are not worthy of being an American.

3) Elderly Asian drivers love their turn signals so much,they never turn them off.

4) Middle-aged black women in Lincoln Town Cars do not appreciate hearing the "N" word,no matter how politely you say it.

5) Middle-aged black women in Cadillac El Dorados are most likely to call you the "N" word,no matter what color you are.

6) Anyone you see in a non-American vehicle,is most likely a hippie or a communist/terrorist.Should you see such a thing,immediately pretend that you're Roscoe P. Coltrane in 'hot pursuit',and begin crashing into the vehicle until it is destroyed,or until the real police arrive,whichever comes first. Ghuh ghuh ghuh,I love it,I love it.

7) Old men (of any race or creed) driving a pickup truck,will extremely abuse their driving privileges,always.(See #1 above)

8) If you ever witness someone driving a Yugo,Le Car,Gremlin or Pinto,you are obligated by law to tease and harass them until they cry or leave.

9) If you are driving down south,and see a vehicle that does not have bondo,primer and/or duct tape somewhere on it,then it is not a real southerner.Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

10) If you see any vehicle with a Confederate flag anywhere on it,do not piss off the driver.They do not fear fighting,killing,or prison.

11) If driving up north,you must use your middle fingers to make lane changes and turns.It is the law.

8 Old Comments:

Number 2 is so true, I've been in lots of funeral processions and it pisses me off when I see people that don't at least pull over. What the hell is so important that they can't at least stop a moment and pay a little respect to the deceased? These people are selfish, inconsiderate bastards.

The rest of the list is hilarious and I laughed my ass off! As for number 11, the farther north you get, the more accurate it is.

By Anonymous Bekk, at 00:46  

This is true!

By Blogger Moe, at 01:21  

"Hey Flash! did you see how hard i hit that Caddy?"

*Flash goes to sleep*

Ha! liked the whole list. and have blogrolled you.

By Blogger moehawk, at 03:46  

oops, got my numbers mixed up...meant to say "Toyota"!

By Blogger moehawk, at 03:47  

Howdy moehawk! Thanks! I got ya blogrolled too!

By Blogger Moe, at 04:20  


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