MoeBetta Headlines 05/03/05

Defense: England Oxygen-Deprived at Birth

Yet France and Germany are the ones with brain damage


Phoenix Man Dies After Being Tasered

Experts doubtful he will rise from these ashes


Hispanic Group Wants Apology From Bride

J-Lo continues to defend 'Gigli'


78 Names Added to Journalists' Memorial

Public dismayed at absence of names of Sam Donaldson and Dan Rather


Kenyan First Lady Storms Into Newsroom

Ororo Munroe declares copyright infringement


Trial for 'Grandpa Gang' Opens in Germany

Grandma Bang not expected to attend


N.J. Beach, Wildlife Refuge Get Settlement

Repealed thong ban proving to be more trouble than expected


Beetle Damaging Saplings in Arkansas

Paul McCartney ordered to stop peeing outside


2,300-Year-Old Mummy Unveiled in Egypt

Proponents of dhimmi laws outraged


India chews over horny problem of holy cows

Sixteen years of hearing Bart Simpson say "eat my shorts" and "don't have a cow", plunge India into complete state of confusion


Jumbo Queen says fat is beautiful

Elton John continues to take pride in his recent weight gain


Kids, We're Goin' to the Foreign Debt Museum!

Newest American slang for taking a trip to France


Winslow's Motorcycle Use Might Be Contract Violation

Urkel prepared to defend the big guy


Laura Bush Roasts Husband

Dubya says he misunderestimated his wifes oratory skills



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