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"Moe wouldn't trade me his chicken sammich for a nice, cool puppy smoothie. Indeed!"

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Sunday, May 15, 2005

MoeBetta Headlines 05/15/05

Police arrest two suspected human skinners

Mulder, Scully deeply confused as to which is the real Director


impotent ex-husband must pay damages

On an unrelated note; Pitt and Jolie continue to deny allegations that they are "more than friends"


lawmakers object to fake penis for drug tests

Barney Frank argues in favor of the real thing


Hot Sauce Cashes in on Bride's Cold Feet

New product slogan ; 'It's the runs that make it fun!" unveiled to less than enthusiastic shareholders


165 Pets Taken From Calif. Ex-Mayor's Home

Richard Gere offers sanctuary until homes can be found


Toddler Gets Alcohol Poisoning From Drink

Michael Jackson's 'Jesus Juice' was a bit too spirited


S.C. Police Look for Missing Wiener Sign

First they stole the weiner, then they stole the sign. Only in South Carolina


Dave Chappelle Says He's Not Crazy

Fact that he expects people to believe that, proves quite the contrary. Beyotch!


Paris Hilton Touts Spicy Burger in TV Ad


Mmmm, turn and face the camera Mr. Spicy Burger, so everyone can see what a yummy thing you are


Invasive Wood-Killing Wasp Found in N.Y.

Rockefeller Family deeply offended at accusation


Half of 760 Polled Oppose Gay Marriage

All of 1000 'poled' support gay marriage


Bulgaria to Offer Three Bases to U.S.

Nations' first ever professional baseball team getting a bit cocky


Indonesia Finds Bird Flu in Pigs

U.S. scientists say they'll believe that when pigs fly


Cook killed in sword attack at Paris hospital

Attacker apparantly displeased with quality of shishkabobs at dinner


Transsexual Youth Haven Provides Support

If convicted, Michael Jackson still looks forward to new rehabilitation center


Enjoy! And don't forget to check out moehawk, Dane Bramage and Basil for more headline humor!

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