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"Moe wouldn't trade me his chicken sammich for a nice, cool puppy smoothie. Indeed!"

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Sunday, June 12, 2005

MoeBetta Headlines 06/12/05

Suspected cookie thief goes to extremes

Cookie Monster uses Oscar the Grouch's can to bomb Sesame Street, declares jihad on Keebler elves


Sex huts: how romantic

Jabba remarks, "Leia in golden bikini, oh ho ho ho ho"


Teenager gives birth at 85 MPH

Feeling the 'need for speed', teen kicks in afterbirthers


Climate changes spur plan for village move

Mother Nature scoffs at Hillary, proves it takes more than a village


C-List stars: the perfect formula for fame

Failure to mention that 'Fame' was full of D-list actors


Miss. Group Enjoys Picnic in Central Park

Native New Yorkers repulsed at first sight of possum patties, coon fritters, beaver squeezin's and sweet iced tea


Student Uses Roadkill to Produce Art

Lunchroom lady calls dibs on project


Vancouver Tries to Clean Up Feces Stench

Haven't yet worked up courage to demand Michael Moore stop making films in Canada


Twisted Sister Helps Out Ailing Sound Man

Rock band re-writes classic song for employee, titled "We're Not Gonna Take it Anymore (You Lazy Goldbricking Bum!)"


Tucker Carlson Starts Anew With MSNBC Show

Dilton Doiley forced to take job as new sidekick to Bill Nye


Britain Celebrates Queen's 79th Birthday

Elton John is 79?!


Nebraska Names Department for Carson

The 'Department of Weird, Wild Stuff' set to open in late Summer


Stretch of Highway Named for B.B. King

Legendary Blues artist honored, says it's a new way of driving


Steven Seagal Sued For Tardiness

Once great actor breaks 18 necks, while proclaiming "I may be getting old, slow, and pudgy, but I ain't no 'tard!"


Culkin Wrist-Slap On Drug Charges

Annoying little twerp escapes a well deserved bitch-slap, this time


Sage Advice in Archaeology: Think Like a Neanderthal

Same advice given to members of the Democratic party


Arlene Soaks Florida, Eyes Gulf

Doesn't sound as intriguing as 'Debbie Does Dallas'


Enjoy! And swing by and visit Basil, moehawk, Dane Bramage and Laffin at the Left for more wholesome headlines to satisfy your hunger for humor!


Update: I linked to an older Laffin Points Memo. It's hilarious and will give ya a nice belly laugh, but the latest edition can be found here. Sorry 'bout that, TC!

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