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Thursday, July 14, 2005

Things That Make Me Tired And Chap My Ass To Boot

A couple weeks ago, basil made a post about things that make him tired. It inspired me to make a list too. After all, my blog didn't get a title with "woes" in it for nothing. I love to bitch and complain. I wouldn't be happy, otherwise.

So, here is my list of gripes and aggravating nonsense that shouldn't even be allowed to happen:

*Assholes who go to a gas station (or any store), and park right up front and block the whole damned drive and walk area, then grin like a baboon as they look me in the eye and say; "It'll be a'ight , I's just runnin' right in..ain't no need to get all riled up, honkey"

*People with cell phones. I truly hate these sons of bitches. What a sickening bunch of self-absorbed bastards these schmucks are. "Oh yeah, mm hmm, I am only 17 years old, but I have a cell phone, so my phone call is important enough to cut you off in traffic and hold up the checkout line. Don't get mad at me, or else I'll roll my eyes, snap my fingers, and laugh at you for not having a cell phone ..mm hmm"

*People with SUV's. Oy gevalt, I don't know where to begin. I am all for big ass vehicles, but SUV's are shit. It's even worse when scrawny ass soccer mom's are behind the wheel.

*People who talk on cell phones, while driving. This is probably enemy number one on my list . You thoughtless, reckless, arrogant sons of whores. You should be grateful I haven't run you off the road, dragged you from your piece of shit car, and kicked your ass til you shit blood. You're big and tough with your cell phone and your lawyer on "speed-dial", ain't ya? Let's find out which is faster...your satellite signal, or my fist knocking your fucking teeth down your throat.

*People who always rely on lawyers and cops.

*People who think every other word is "racist"

*People who think some college educated asshole is more trustworthy than a Yeshiva educated Rabbi

*People who use the term "Jesus Freak"

*Anyone who defends islam

*Anyone who defends communism

*Anyone who doesn't know what a "sammich" is

*Anyone who thinks I'm weird for not owning a telephone

*Jesse Jackson

*Al Sharpton

*Barbra Streisand

*Woody Allen

*People who tell me that being a redneck and a Jew at the same time is "impossible" and is "crude and insulting"

*The ACLU

*The ADL

*France

*Holland

*Imported beer

*Immigrants that refuse to learn English

*Wal-Mart greeters that grab my ass

*Anybody what don't like Kinky Friedman

*Foreign cars

*Foreign clothes

*Foreign nations getting American welfare, knowing damn well they don't deserve it

*Democrats

*Libertarians

*Republicans

*People who call themselves "conservative", yet refuse to pray for the complete destruction of their enemies.



I may have to continue this list another time. I have many more gripes, but I hope what I have listed so far is sufficient to amuse the good folks, and infuriate the filthy heathens who know they are guilty.

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